Please smile for me , just one time
by Milonar
Summary: This is my last wish . Can you smile for me , just one time , Lavi ? ... AllenXLavi .
1. Chapter 1 : Envy

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**My new Fic . Yeah , it's short Fic again . Short Fic is easy to write since I have a lots of idea . Has a little notices ...**

**First , if you are pairing LaviXLenalee , you can read this Fic . But it won't talk about them . Yes , this Fic is AllenXLavi.**

**Second , if you are a fan of paring AllenXLavi , you are very welcome . My inclination is Allen is only for Lavi , or we can say Lavi is only for Allen . **

**And the last , if you are the one HATE Lenalee , you are very welcome , too . I HATE Lenalee ( and also Lavi grandpa , those are the one make the love between Lavi and Allen can't come true )**

**Thanks for you reading . Hope I won't make any mistake again . **

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

This time, I will tell Lavi the truth that I love him.  
I always get so close to uttering those words, to finally releasing my secret, but today I will finally do it. I will tell him my feelings even if he can't love me back. He is a Bookman, after all, and bookman are said to have no heart or emotions. His life is for one thing only: recording history.  
But I can't hide my feelings anymore. I want to hold him tight in my hands and kiss him, let him know how much I love him, how much he means to me. But then SHE came.

I ran to the library, where Lavi usually goes for his bookman work. I desperately Hoped his grandpa wasn't there with him, he would make this harder than it had to be. Not that a boy loving another boy was easy in the first place.

I stopped at the library, hiding behind the high bookshelves. I heard Lavi's voice, but there was someone else . . . My stomach dropped as I recognised his grandpa's harsh tones. Oh god, Why is he here? From the sound of it, Lavi had an argument with his dear "panda" . That was still okay though, I could wait a little longer. I settled down into the shadows of the library, waiting for one of them to leave.

The click clack of heels of hardwood floors interrupted my thoughts, making me jump. Lenalee walked across the floor toward Lavi and his grandpa. Her face looked serious with a tint of blush sprinkling her cheeks. The blush spread when she caught sight of Lavi. I was so confused, what was Lenalee doing in the library? She didn't seek Lavi out specifically did she? A seed of doubt planted itself firmly into my heart.  
I had a bad feeling Lenalee.

"Err , Lavi ... do you have a minute ? I ... I need to talk with you ... about something." She stumbled over her words and looked down to hide the red flush crawling across her cheeks. There was something wrong with this situation ...

"Sorry , Lenalee ." - Lavi answered quickly - "I'm busy right now with panda jiji. Can we talk later? If you have something to say, then please make it quick."

"Do we have a new mission ?" - His grandpa asked, looked at the Chinese girl curiously.

"No, well, I ..." - Lenalee shook her head, her voice coming out soft and frightened.

"Lavi, I ... have to tell you, that ... I ..."

"Something wrong? You need help with something?" Lavi blinked and smiled with her. I wish that Lavi smiled with me like that... But he never does. That smile is only for Lenalee.

Lavi smiles brightly, his smile making my heart swoon. But that smile is never for me. His smiles for me are fake. He is a Bookman, and Bookmen have no emotions ... Especially for another boy like me.

"I..." - A moment of silence. I leaning closer to the bookshelves , waiting to hear what that Chinese girl wants to talk about, and I regret it. - "I love you , Lavi ..."

"What ...? Lenalee ..."

Lavi blinked , opened his eyes in surprised . I am surprised, too . I can't believe it ... Lenalee loves Lavi? No way. Why did it happen? I start to panic, my confusion fixing me to where I stand. Suddenly, Lenalee ran from the room, her face a vibrant shade of red, hiding her face in her hands. Lavi ran after her immediately, leaving his grandpa and I behind in the library .

I could tell by looking Lavi's face. He's happy now. He likes Lenalee. His eyes tell me everything. My heart falls into despair. I was late to tell him how I felt. How stupid am I ... I tried to not cry here, returning to my room . I wonder if his grandpa is worried. Old man Bookman didn't try to stop them. I think back to the incident in the library. Bookman sighed and suddenly asked:

"Are you there, Allen? You saw everything?"

"Err, yes."- I answered quickly, I've been detected. I think this is the time I should asked the old man my question - "What do you think? About ... Lenalee... and Lavi? He is a Bookman, isn't he? Can he love someone?"

"This time may be different."-The old man said with a smile-"I know that Lavi's in love with Lenalee. He can love her this time. That means I accept their love. However, Lavi still has lots of things to learn. He can't be attracted by this girl. And soon, if they get married, Lavi might have cast off his alias and become the 50th apprentice."

Ok, I understand. You only want a next successor after Lavi, don't you, old man? I sighed and left the library. His grandpa accepted their love. I guessed right ... Lavi loves Lenalee, too. Lately, I've seen them together. Thinking back on it, Lavi always seems to be with Lenalee, he always cheers her up, protects her. He never does that for me, only for that "stupid" girl.

What should I do now? I was too late. Anyway, Lavi can't love a boy like me. Everyone in Black Order thinks I'm a monster, Noah 14th. I'm all alone. I realize that. No one can love me. I'm alone.  
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Soon after, I got a mission and left the Black Order for one month. I thought a mission would make me feel a little better. I could forget my stupid love. I love Lavi, love other boy, and he can't love me back, a forbidden love. If loving Lenalee makes him happy, I'm happy, too.

When I returned to the Black Order, everything had changed. But there was something strange about the place. Everyone is excited, talking about something. I know what they are talking about ... But I don't want to hear it. It makes me feel sick.

"Hi, Allen. You've returned?" Lavi smiled when he saw me. But that smile is a fake, a smile without thought and feelings . He only uses his "true smile" for that girl. Jelously blooms in my heart. "I've got to talk to you about something Allen, you wouldn't know seeing as how you only just got back from a mission."

"What do you want to say?" I asked, tried to smile.

"Lenalee loves me ... So I'm going to be her boyfriend. Hehe, that sounds a little weird… Allen, are you mad at me ? Because she likes me and not you ..." He said with a blush on his face and cheerful smile .

"No, it's Ok . there's nothing going on between us. To you guys, I'm just a friend, Lavi. The important thing is that Lenalee loves you, if you love her, make sure she's happy, Ok? That's all I want."

What a stupid question and stupid answer. I lied, I really hate that girl. She has stolen everything from me. She stole my love, my life's treasure. Friends? I don't have any friends like that stupid girl. She may be kind and generous but ... because of her, I lost everything. I have nothing in my life. Friends? Loves? Not anymore. That girl ruined everything.

"You're so generous ..." - Lavi blinked and chuckled - "Thank you. That's all I want to say. I need to see Lenalee now. We're having some trouble with her brother..."

I'm generous? Not anymore. I hate that girl. She has everything I don't.

Families, friends, loves, everyone protects that little girl, everyone loves her. I don't have anything. I'm all alone. Alone in this world. Why is she so cruel? She stole my one and only love. I exist in this world because I love Lavi. I want him for myself.

Everyone can call me crazy... No, I'm not. Can everyone understand my feelings? What if the person you love most has been stolen? What do you do?

You only stand and watch them all together? Never. I'm not that kind of person. I have nothing. The only I have is Lavi. And now, I've lost him too. I fall into darkness.  
I want to see your "real smile", Lavi. What do you think of me? Do you know that I love you? I'm too late to tell you that. I regret it. Nothing can change...

If I tell you, can you love me, Lavi? Or you will refuse my love for you? I'm stupid. Yes, you love that girl, not me. You never know and understand my love for you. Even you don't need to know. I'm nothing in your heart, your smile. I'm just another name on a page for you to record in your history books.  
What a cruel destiny.

**To be continue ...**

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**PS : I don't force you to review . But it's really happy when someone reviews your Fic , don't you think ? Thanks for your reading and hope you enjoy it .**


	2. Chapter 2 : My love is not a joke

**Thanks for your all rewiew . I'm very happy** . **And thanks for your help , tinytruefan . I own you so much . Tinytruefan has fixed my grammar in the Fic , so you can read and understand well ...**

**Let's continue . **

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

_Lately, Lavi has been spending more time with Lenalee, they're always together every second of everyday (aside from sleeping I hope). I'm not happy about this. Everyone in the Black Order has started talking about them, excitedly watching them together. Gradually Lavi and that girl have become very close and Komui started accepting their love. I refuse to accept it. Because of that girl, I hardly see my old friend anymore , Lavi rarely talks with me and when he does, it's always about her. Her hair, her smile, her big black eyes._

_And the worst of it is... he hasn't smiled at me even once in three months, since he became Lenalee's boyfriend. I miss his smile so much. Whenever I ask to meet up or talk, I always get the same response : "I'm busy . I have a problem to take care of. Can't this wait until I see you next, Allen." every time, every single time he casts me off with those same words. I don't want to hear it anymore._

_Today was the same. I met Lavi in the library. When he saw me, he started walking away but I stopped him just in time. Suddenly, I felt anger surge within me._

_"Why don't you want to talk with me, Lavi? Is our friendship really worth so little to you? There's no reason why you don't want listen to what I say, and yet..."_

_"Allen , I ... I'm sorry ." Lavi whispered. He smiled apologetically, but it didn't reach his eyes. It never did anymore. "What did you want to say? Make it quick though, I'm a bit busy at the moment." _

_"It's Lenalee isn't it." It wasn't a question. "Is she so great that you've forgotten about your best friend? Forgotten about me?" Lavi grimaced and tried to turn away, but I grabbed his hand, determined to make him listen to me. "I don't get it. Why do you love that girl? What has she done for you? Answer me Lavi!!"_

_"What's the matter with you Allen!? Why are you so angry!?" Lavi yelled, wrenching his hand from my grasp and pushing me back. "I love Lenalee, why does that make you so mad!? I asked you before all this started, you said you were fine with it, that you don't love her!"_

_"It's wrong!"- I shouted back, tears in my eyes. It hurts. I'm – I'm crying? What am I doing? I..._

_"I'm angry because... I love you, Lavi." His eyes widened in surprise , I wiped my tears on my sleeve and continued. "I don't know how much I love you, Lavi. I can't seem to stand the thought of you with someone else. I… I guess I was too late to tell you that ... I ... love you." _

_Did I really just say that? My face went hot and my legs began to shake. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. My entire form threatened to crumble away and fall; but at least I said it. Lavi was probably going refuse but I didn't care. I was just glad I said it, that he knew how I felt. I studied Lavi's face so mixed with emotions and prepared my heart for the pain that was to come._

_"Huh? What are you talking about, Allen? That's a really pathetic joke. You love me? That's a pretty stupid thing to say Allen, boys don't like boys in the real world. But come on man, I've got a girlfriend now, those jokes aren't even funny anymore." I remained silent with my head bowed, my hair masking the pain in my eyes. The pain was worse than I expected. _

_"Lavi , where are you ?" _

_I started at the sound of Lenalee's voice. She ran to Lavi, smiling happily. Lavi smiled back and slipped his arm around her slender waist, pulling her closer. They started chatting happily, forgetting I was even there. But I was there, in front of their eyes. How could they ignore me like that? Why couldn't they see my tears? I quickly wiped my eyes again, staring at the ground, my heart falling further into despair with every passing second._

_Lavi, don't you need me anymore? I hate her, Lenalee. And I hate you too, Lavi. The spark of hope in my heart I didn't know I had died, blinking out. There's no way that Lavi feels the same way I do. It hurt that Lavi was playing with me like this. Doesn't he understand? How can he think it's a joke?_

_"Sorry Allen. I don't have time for jokes right now. I have to go." - Lavi said quickly, he turned back to Lenalee, holding her hand tightly. He kissed on her forehead, smoothing her hair back from her face. I can't stand watching this anymore ... I'm going to go crazy. _

_"Allen's joke? What's going on Lavi?" Lenalee asked, turning her big black eyes up at him curiously. She tried to hide her smile. She's really happy, huh? I'm not. I envy that girl._

_"Well, some kind of stupid joke ... He said he loves me. It really wasn't that funny though." - Lavi answered, patting Lenalee's head. _

_I was outraged. He still thinks that this is just a joke? No ... Why are you doing this to me Lavi? I'm still here, still listening what you're saying. Have you forgotten me? You haven't forgotten your friend have you?_

_"It is pretty tasteless. I'd be really sad if Allen loved you Lavi, because then I wouldn't have you to myself." Lenalee smiled and blushed. I felt something change in my mind, in my soul, in my thoughts ... Jealously . _

_"I love you, too, Lenalee. I was so happy when you confessed to me. When we get older, we could have kids! I've always wanted two, a boy and a girl. And you could be ..." Their conversation made my blood boil. I tried to repress it. But watching them together, I…_

_"Hey slow down Lavi! We haven't decided that. My brother still hasn't accepted our love ..." _

_Neither have I. But I can't do anything. Seeing them happy together, watching Lavi smiling brightly with Lenalee, I can't control my feelings. I tried to be calm, slowly returning to my room. My mind is blank. I feel lifeless. He thinks my love is a joke? How can I forgive him for that?_

_What should I do now? Watching them together, it's like they have their own perfect world and I'm not allowed in. Nobody cares about me after all. I'm alone in the world outside their bubble. I'm nothing. _

_An idea springs into my mind. Kill Lenalee, burst their bubble and steal her away forever. That would leave a place inside Lavi that I could fill. But I'm not a monster, I can't kill my heart. Anyway, Lavi loves her so much. He would be crushed if Lenalee died. You can see it in his eyes, he can't live without her. But I can't live without you by my side, Lavi ..._

_**Always watching Lavi from behind, always thinking about him, always protecting him. But that is all I can do. I'm not his friend anymore. I hate him but I still love him ... I hate Lenalee but I always smile with her even though she has forgotten me. I'm stupid, aren't I. **_

_**I don't know why I am doing this for Lavi, but I love him so much. He's the only light in my dark realm of despair, his bubble casting a warm glow over me. I live for him, not for me, although he will never love me back. I hate Lenalee but I want her to stay by Lavi's side forever to make him smile and laugh forever. **_

_**My life is for Lavi. **_

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_My name is Allen Walker. I love a man named Lavi. But he will never love me back, that's alright though. I don't care he doesn't love me, I still love him, still follow him every where to make sure he is alright. He always used to say Bookman can't love. But he loves that girl, Lenalee. That's weird but I don't care. I hate Lenalee, she stole my love away from me. She has everything I don't have. Why God is so cruel? He gave me hopes, dreams and desires, and then stripped them away, leaving me with nothing. If God granted me just one wish, I would be so happy…_

_My only wish is... I want to see Lavi's smile. He always smiles brightly for that stupid girl. But when he's with me ... Why does he never smile like that with me? He is a Bookman. Bookman don't need any emotions. So everything he gave me is fake ... I want to see his "real smile", just one time in my life. I want him to smile like that for me. **I know that I will die the day their love overcomes the last of its hurdles and Komui accepts their relationship. **_

_**I still have a reason to live, for now ... I...**_

_**.**_

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_"We have a mission in Russia ?" I asked anxiously. I don't feel well and don't want to do anything. I still haven't recovered from that "shock" Lavi gave me. He still thinks my love is a joke._

_"Yeah, about the Noah. We've been given information about them in the area. I want you and Lavi to go check it out. Only investigate though, no fighting. We aren't strong enough to go up against them. If you find anything about their base in Russia , you should report to us, Ok?"_

_Komui said and concentrated on his work again. He gave me the details of my mission. I read it quickly before giving them to Lavi. He snatched them out of my hand and scanned them quickly. It looked like Lavi didn't want to talk with me. I sighed and said nothing. Luckily, that stupid girl won't go with us on this mission. And maybe I can have some time with Lavi. Even though he always avoids my gaze and dodges conversations with me. Only Lenalee has a place in his mind. I'm nothing with him, but I still love him _

_Komui briefed us on the mission. We were to visit the village in Russia, where it's in winter and very cold now, a small and boring village that doesn't exist on the map.Komui guessed Akuma and Noahs base is on the top of mountain near this village, and said we should climb the mountain but stay out of sight and avoid any contact with the Earls forces. I really hope I don't catch a cold or ... Well, I don't care about me all that much. The one I care is Lavi. _

_Everyone says goodbye before we're going. I feel that they said goodbye to Lavi, not me. I'm alone, after all but feel a little sad. Lenalee saw Lavi off at the station. She kissed him and made him promised that he will return safely. What about me? I sighed, made a sad face and stared at the ground. I don't want to see them so close. Lenalee and Lavi... _

_We aren't going to be gone that long, so why won't she let him go? Stupid Lenalee. I hate you so much. Why do you still exist in this world, Lenalee? I wish you disappeared forever. I wish Lavi hasn't met you. **I wish Lavi would be mine forever. Only for me.**_

_**But it's all wishes. Impossible wishes. The only wish I have is... I want to see Lavi smiles brightly for me ... It would make me so happy, even for a moment…**_

**To be continue ...**

**Thanks for all your reading . And I don't force you to review . But has someone reviews your Fic , it would be very happy . **


	3. Chapter 3 : My life

**Let's continue our story . Thanks for your all reviews and reading . And thanks for your working , tinytruefan . You help me so much ! **

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

It's colder than I thought. My body trembles through the heavy overcoats I put on this morning as the snowstorm rages around us. We can't climb the mountain yet, to do so in this weather would be suicide, the strong winds threatening to pluck unweary adventurers from the mountain side and hurl them into the valley. I glance back at the mountain, its enormous size dwarfing anything else I'd ever seen, let alone climbed, the tip disappearing into the angry swirling clouds. The snowstorm hasn't shown any signs of letting up though, so we won't have to attempt a climb for a while. This really is a perfect place for the Noah's base. The village doesn't exist on the map, doesn't attract any visitors and is nearly always terrorized by snowstorms and other ferocious weather. I think back to our arrival her, we've encounter many Akuma since we arrived in this small village. We couldn't find a place to stay so Lavi suggested we should find a small cave to sleep out the storm. But that turned out to be harder than it seemed when we can't see four feet ahead of us through the swirling snow.

"It could be weeks before this clears up, we've got to go now." Lavi muttered, shouldering his way through the snowstorm. "I don't like this mission. I want to finish this quick ."

Yeah, I know what it's in your mind, Lavi. You want to return and see Lenalee. You miss her. That's the reason you have to finish this mission. You only have Lenalee on your min, there's no room for anyone else anymore. I'm still here, after all. And yet you risk your life for that stupid girl. I have no idea why you love that girl so much. It seems you are not the "Lavi" I've known. My "Lavi doesn't have a hot temper. That "Lavi" I know it's the one who always smiles and is very calm.

You are not my "Lavi", but I still love you. I still protect you, Lavi. To make sure that you survive. If you're happy, I'm happy too. Well, just a little ...

"It's up to you. You go first if you like ..."

I smiled. Lavi didn't deign to look or answer me and he began climbing up this mountain. The climb looked difficult. The road dipped a little and the weather made the ground slippery and treacherous. But I will protect Lavi from Akuma, help him if he is in trouble.

The storm grew stronger every moment . We couldn't see anything in front of us. I felt sure that the wind would snatch us away at any moment. Eventually, we were forced to abandon our climb and luckily , I found a small cave in the forest near the mountain.

"Phew ..." I sighed, looking at the snowstorm grew stronger and stronger . I had a bad feeling, but my eyes didn't react to anything . At least the Akuma didn't follow us. They couldn't follow us in this horrific weather. We had a few minutes to relax. Lavi and I were tired as we flopped down onto the icy stone. But I couldn't rest, I finally had Lavi alone and I couldn't miss this oppertunity.

"Why do you want to return? Because of ...Lenalee?"- I slowly asked, staring at the ground to avoid seeing Lavi's looks . Looks that say Lavi is listening to my question. His sigh rang around the cave .

"Because ... if you have someone you love is waiting for you at home , you must return , no matter what . We have a lots of people waiting for us to go back, we can't let them down." - Lavi explained .

Think about it, I don't have anyone waiting for my return. Lavi has his grandpa and his love, Lenalee, but I have nothing. I Feel sad, but I can't cry now. Yeah, I want to finish this mission as soon as I can. This snowstorm likes a wall to prevent us from doing our mission ... But because of that, I had sometime to talk with Lavi. (Not much but it's Ok ) I tried to think something to talk with him while waiting for the snowstorm to stop ... the Silence becoming awkward . Lavi was sitting in front me, saying nothing. May be he's thinking of that girl? I don't know what's on his mind, though...

"You hate me, don't you Allen ?"

Lavi suddenly asked. I started and opened my eyes in surprise. I tried to be calm, softly answered as soon as I heard his question:

"No. I have no reason to hate you. I ... Well, I ..."

I stopped my words. Sometimes, I think I hate Lavi, especially when he's with Lenalee. I'm jealous. Jealous of everything. I have no answer and I decided not answer him. Lavi was still waiting for my answer. I looked down, remaining silent. Why did Lavi ask me that question? Anyway, nothing can't change. If he still thinks my love is a joke, that means he never loved me. Never. But ... I love him and will love him forever.

Five minutes have past and the snowstorm grew weak. Lavi slowly stood up and walked out the cave, continuing the climb. Oh no, nothing can change his mind. We can wait a little longer when the snowstorm stops completely, so why don't you wait, Lavi ? You miss that girl so much. Yeah, like you said, you have your love waiting for you at home so you must do anything to come back soon. I can't blame you but ... Ok, it's alright .

"Ah , I guessed right . We've got rats sneaking around near our base ..."

Tykki.

When we walked out of the cave, dozens of Akuma suddenly arrived and surrounded us. I've dropped my guard down. All of them are Akuma level 3, there are so many and we can't fight against all of them. We will die for sure. And Tykki's here too?! How did they find us so quickly?

Both I and Lavi stayed calm, we both activated our Innocence and moved into out battle stance . Wait, Komui has said that we shouldn't fight them, only investigate. According to the details we got from Komui, those Akuma are really strong. If we find out their base , we must report to the Black Order. But we've been found by them. Then again, the Akuma are here with Noah, so does that mean their base must be some where on this mountain. And Tykki mentioned the base as well. We have to get back to HQ and report.

But the problem is ... Can we do that? We are surrounded by Akuma, tons of them. If we report to the Black Order, The Noah would have time to move to another place, and we will have lost them for sure. This is our chance to destroy all of them. Ideas and plans swirled through my mind, I eventually turned to Lavi, locking his gaze:

"Lavi, I'll deal with them. You should run and report to the Black Order. Someone has to stay here to prevent them from moving."

"Are you crazy? What about you? You can't deal with all of them . I ... I can't let you fight alone like that!" - Lavi yelled at me while he was defending Akuma's attack. Tykki smiled, watching us from a distance . I could tell by looking his eyes , he won't let us run away from him easily . I don't care about me . I'm worried about Lavi. I was really happy when he said he wouldn't let me fight alone .

"It's Ok . You have someone's waiting for your return . I have... nothing . I want you stay alive , Lavi . I want you to live . You ..."

"Stupid! You and I will return safely . Don't said such stupid things . Now hurry and run!"

I was interrupted. Suddenly Lavi grabbed my hand and dragged me into a run . Both of us tried to find a way to escape from the Akuma. We ran, tons of them followed us. I looked back, Tykki ran after us, too. That Noah wouldn't let us escape easily . We ran to the forest to get a chance to cut off those Akuma and find the way to report to Komui. We had to get to the train station in the village.

The wind blew stronger, suprassing it's previous level, and the snowstorm raged around us.We couldn't see anything . We would get lost if we continue running like this . But perhaps the Akuma and Tykki were still following us . My eyes continuously reacted, they were getting closer. We had to do something if we wanted to survive .

Lavi still held my hand . The weather was cold but his hands were very warm . This is the first time he has held my hand like this. My face went red and had a red blush. Lavi still cares about me and that makes me very happy . He said that he wouldn't let me fight alone . Lavi hasn't changed somehow , has he ? I wonder ... Usually , he never talks with me , never meets me or smiles for me since he became Lenalee's boy friend . I think that he has forgotten me . But this time ... what made Lavi change like this ?

I heard something behind us . I looked back while I was running with Lavi. I saw and felt something that came after us very quickly . I think I know what it is . Tykki's attack is so powerful ! He can attack us in this bad weather ? We have got some trouble . But I'll take care it . I'll deal with Tykki . I won't let him or the Akuma hurt Lavi .

I pulled my hand from Lavi's and threw myself in front of him, covering him from Tykki's attack. I felt pain immediately on my chest. Blood pouring from my shoulder as my heart burned. I fell flat on my face, tried to regained my senses . I couldn't die yet. I had to fight to protect Lavi. Komui was right, they are much more powerful than before . And I couldn't fight against them in my condition... But I would do anything to protect Lavi .

"Allen , why did you protect me ... ? I ..."

Lavi gasped, helped me to get up and walked. I limped. The wound worse than I thought. I don't know If can stand this anymore. But I must. I tried to run with Lavi, my wound still bleeding more. I felt dizzy. The snowstorm grew stronger so we couldn't keep going. But I felt like those monsters still followed us. They won't let us go easily.

This mission is dangerous. Komui was right again, we must report to the Black Order. I think I don't have much energy to run away. I have one only choice. I must stay back and fight with those monsters, and Lavi will go to tell HQ about Noah's base is here .

We ran, getting closer to the train station . My eyes still reacted, meaning Akuma were still near here somewhere and they are so many for sure . It's time to fight . I tried to stop the bleeding, breathing heavily. I couldn't see anything, my eyes are all dizzy. The only thing I heard it Lavi's voice . He's still with me ? I smiled , slowly standing up after regaining some strength and my senses .

"Lavi , you should go back . I will stay here and make some time for you . You must report our situation ." - I spoke in the low voice so only Lavi could hear it , he replied quickly .

"No, I won't. Both of us will return! Everyone is waiting for us remember? And the important thing is...I can't leave you alone. You're injured now, I'll stay here deal with them . Allen, you are the one who should return first ."

My eyes opened in surprise. I slowly nodded, turned around and looking at Lavi's eyes . His eyes, I love his eyes. I could tell that he was really worried about me . I'm very happy. This is the first time ... I smiled sadly.

Yeah, I remember what I'm trying to do. I want to protect Lavi. I'm not afraid from dying. Because my life is for Lavi. I'm not scared now, either . My love gives me the power to fight. Although Lavi ... he doesn't love me. He thinks my love is a joke. But I don't care. I softly said:

"I don't have anyone . I'm alone . But you have Lenalee and your grandpa ... I ... Nobody is waiting me at home . So ... Well ... If you have a better idea , tell me . I'm injured now, I don't want to be a burden to you , Lavi . We only have one choice . I will stay here and you have to go to report .You have to live , Lavi ."

"Stop saying like that !" - Lavi growled out the words - "What about you ? You want to die in a place like this ? You don't want to live? Allen, you ..."

"You are the one who told me that you have to finish this mission quickly . This is your chance to finish and return to see Lenalee ." - I cut off Lavi's words - "I know I can't live anymore , when you became Lenalee's boyfriend , I ... Well ..." - I tried to find the right words - "I will do anything to make sure you are alright . My life is for you , Lavi ."

**To be continue ...**

**PS : It will end soon . Hope everyone will read ending of this Fic . It's not a bad ending , I swear . ( or may be a bad ending for sure ? )**


	4. Chapter 4 : Waiting

**It took me and tinytruefan a long time to finish this . Hope you like it ! ^^ **

**I will try me best to finish the last chapter after my 1st semester . I have lots of exam now and I must deal with it ! Wish me good luck .**

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

**Chapter 4 .**

"Why ...? - Lavi's face changed into discomfort. He moved closer to me, patting my head. The silence grew between us as the Akuma came closer and closer ... Lavi looked at me, asked - "Why did you protect me? What do you mean your life is for me, Allen? I just don't get it. I always ..."

"We can talk later."- I sighed, activating my Innocence - "You should go, now. I'll stop them for you."

Lavi looked at the forest. He could feel the Akuma and Tykki coming closer. He nodded, not very happy about the situation . Well, if he's a Bookman , he must find the way to live ... Bookman don't have any emotions so he can leave me here and go without being worried. I don't know if I can survive. But I'm not scared of death.

Lavi's still here. Seems he still has a lot of things to ask me, but he couldn't open his mouth to say them. I watched him and smiled . My wound continued bleeding. I reached forward with my left hand to touch to Lavi's cheek. His body was warm as usual .I love everything about him and I want to protect all of it . I felt tired, dizzy .

Lavi started walking away . He looked at me and I smiled . This might be the last time I will see Lavi . I opened my mouth and said very clearly :

"I love you , Lavi ."

Lavi stopped . This time he listened to me , listened carefully what I said . He didn't say my love is a joke . Because this is my last farewell to him , my last words :

"I don't care about anything . I don't care who you are, what you did for me. I don't care if you hate me or don't love me . I still love you . I love you so much and can't explain with any words . But my heart is only for you , Lavi . My life , too . You know ... May be this is my last wish, can you smile for me Lavi ? Just one time...I want to see your smile so much . So , please ..."

Lavi stared at the ground and didn't answer . I don't know what's on his mind... Anyway, I've told him my last wish , my only wish . And ... the wish didn't come true. Lavi didn't smile for me , he slowly walked , left me behind. Yeah , my wish is impossible. His smile is only for that girl , Lenalee. He never smiles for me because he never loved me . And may be he still thinks my love is a joke and not funny . I chuckled when thinking that .

Those monsters are coming. I turned back to the forest. My mind has nothing. Heh, I know this is my time to die . I'm alone, nobody is waiting for me . No reason that I must come back . I will die in here, to protect my love. Yeah, that's all I want to say. The snowstorm grew stronger , but how strange ... I can hear Lavi's words ...

"Allen , can you hear me ? You must come back to me !"

I started , looked back . I couldn't see anything because of this snowstorm but I can hear clearly Lavi's voice . Did he say that I must come back to him ? I couldn't see him , my eyes are very dizzy . Everything is all in white snow .

"You said that you don't have anyone waiting for you? No, you're wrong !"- Lavi's voice continued, I tried to see him through the bad weather-"Do you remember the place that we first met ? I'll wait for you there , I'll wait for your return . That means you must come back , Ok ? That's a promise between us !"

I blinked . Lavi was talking to me , right ? It's not an illusion , is it ? I can't believe it . He will wait for my return?I tried to find Lavi but I was prevented by the wind, the storm and I didn't have much energy. So I couldn't ask him why he told me like that. He want me to return ? Should I return to him ? He doesn't love me , does he ? Return and see him with Lenalee again ? No , that's more painful than the death .

I heard strange noise and Tykki's voice . Here they come . I still looking in the direction that Lavi went away , waiting for his voice again , but he didn't said anything next . May be it's only my imagination . Lavi has went away to report . He wasn't there . All I heard it's all the illusion from my tired and exhausted . So why am I waiting for ...?

Suddenly, I see something. I started and stood transfixed in surprised. What I saw ... Was not an illusion ? I saw Lavi's smile appear for a moment . He was smiling brightly for me and somehow... I could see his tears, too. He's crying ? I don't know what matter with him, what's on his mind ? But I knew that my wish has come true. I saw Lavi's smile , he was smiling brightly with me. Although it's just one time, I felt very happy and satisfied . May be it's just my imagination , I don't care. I have seen it. I have seen his "real smile" .

I can die in peace , now . No worried , no sadness . I smiled in the slightly cold . I felt something strange in me , in my souls . My only wish has come true , that's all I want .

"Thanks , Lavi ." - I mumbled and remembered Lavi's words - "I promised I will come back to see you . Your smile ... is all everything for me , Lavi ... It makes me happy ."

I walked , face against Tykki . Snowstorm looks like a wall to separate Lavi and me . No matter . I don't care anything right now . The only thing I care is ...

Lavi , will you wait for my return ? Please God ... Please makes our promises come true .

.

.

.

"Why I can't see Allen ? I don't understand . Answer me, old man !"

I was angry , yelled and started an argument with my grandpa . I remember clearly that time in the library . The time that I lost Allen , lost my best friend . And perhaps lost my only love ... I start to remember my thought about Allen . Allen is a good and cute kid . I really love him. Watching his smile, I feel warm and want to protect him forever . But my grandpa knows my feelings , knows my love for Allen . He didn't let me see Allen .

Without Allen by my side , I felt doleful and couldn't work anymore . I argued with my grandpa about not letting me see Allen . And his answer was ...

"Because of this kid , you become weak and start to know how to love , right ? Bookman doesn't have any emotions . And the important is you can't love boys ! Understand ?"

Boys can't love the other boys? Why? I'll never accept that . That old man never knew my feelings . Love is something that makes you exist in this world. Why the old man can't understand that ?

While I was arguing, Lenalee came into the library. She said that she loves me. That time, I was surprised because Lenalee usually takes no notice of me . She always goes with Allen , talking with him. When she ran, I ran after her . I don't know why I ran after Lenalee that time. Was I happy because someone loves me? I don't think so. The one I love is Allen.

But I'm a Bookman . I don't know if my love for Allen is real or a fake . I always smile with everyone ... Maybe my thoughts , my feelings about Allen are fake too? I try not to think about it . Sometimes, I think my grandpa is right , boys don't love boys in this world . The true love is ... I still can't explain that word . It's hard and I don't understand it.

So I went with Lenalee and became her boyfriend and started to know what "love" is . It was wonderful being with her , I might say. I started to forget about Allen , always with Lenalee . And ... refused Allen's love .

I remember that time , when Allen told that he loves me. I answered him that his love is a joke . Because somehow, I think that Allen never loved me . Somehow , I felt in love with Lenalee ... And of course , Allen became sad and started crying . I could see his tears but I did nothing . I left him alone and went with Lenalee . I was wrong that time ... Really wrong .

Sorry Allen , I don't know why I was saying like that to you . I'm such a bastard . I toyed with your love . I still love you , love you very much .

When you protected me from Tykki's attack , I was so worried . . . I was afraid that you could die and I would lose you forever . When you protected me , I know that I love you and I'll never forget you , know that you are the only one I love , not Lenalee. And you love me , too ... You said that your life is for me .

When I heard that , I sensed that I couldn't see you again , but I've done nothing to help you . I ran , feeling guilty . That time , I understood your feelings , Allen . You feel lonely because of me. I am the one who makes you cry. I am the one who injures you. But Allen , you are so generous . You don't hate me and still love me . You are the one who taught me how to love someone, teach me the word "love" .

Your only wish is...you want to see me smile brightly just one time...I was very surprised when I heard that little wish . At first, I was very confused, didn't know what to do, what to say so I walked , left you behind. But suddenly I realized something : I can't live without you .

Allen, you said you didn't have anyone was waiting for you so you don't want to return ? No , Allen , you're wrong and I'm wrong , too ...

I will wait for you , waiting for your return . I promise . And this promise isn't a fake . I will make this promise come true . So Allen ... You must return to see me . I will wait for you forever until I meet you again , until the end of this world .

I will smile for you , with you . Not one time like you said . I will smile for you as long as you like ... Allen , you must return . I'm waiting .

**To be continue ...**

**PS : Not a last chapter , I swear . The ending is coming . Bad or happy ending ? **


	5. Chapter 5 : Finally

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

**Final Chapter .**

**.**

**.**

**.**

It been five years since the day I lost Allen .Yeah, I have been waiting for him. No matter what happened, what people says, I still wait to see Allen again . Because I promised him that I will always wait for him. And besides I love Allen, I want to see Allen, want to hug him tight in my arms , hold his warm hands ...

Five years ago ... That time , I tried my best to report to the Black Order . After one hour , our reinforcements came and the snowstorm has stopped so we could go to the Noahs and Akuma base . We had a hard and difficult time with them . Earls has ran away with Road but luckily we have killed all the Noahs thanks to ... Allen .

I think Allen tried his best to stopped Noahs from running away. The result was we found Tykki's body . He died after we found him . Before dying , Tykki whispered something while he suddenly grabbing my arms . I still remember what he said :

"So you are the reason ... that makes that kid ... more stronger ..."

May be he said about Allen . I'm the reason that makes Allen more stronger ? After that we couldn't find Allen anywhere ! Everyone thinks Allen died when fighting with Tykki and fell off the mountain . But I never believe that stupid thought . Allen can't die ! We have promised that !

I will never and never believe the death of Allen . He's still alive ! Why don't they think about that ?

I can't find Allen anywhere ... Where is he ...?

I have searched everywhere in that mountain and I found nothing . I won't give up so I quit the Black Order , started traveling everywhere to find Allen . I went to the places Allen likes but couldn't find anything about him .

Sometimes I think I'm going to be crazy ... I know that I can't live without Allen .

Now , I'm not a Bookman . Not an exorcist . I'm the man who love Allen , love him so much that I can't use any words to describe .

Now I know what the "love" word means ... I have my own precious love , too . Allen , you are the one who teaches me what love is ...

_I love you . _

_I love your warm smile very much . _

_Allen , you are the one who always smile brightly with me . But I always give you my "fake smile" . I'm sorry ..._

_Will you forgive me ? _

_Will you smile for me again ? _

_Allen , where are you now ?_

_I need you . _

**.**

**.**

**.**

"We can't find Lavi ... I wonder where he is now ? May be he still ..."

Komui sighed , made a tired face . Lenalee smiled with her brother and give him a cup of hot coffee . Komui looked up , slowly asked :

"What do you feel ? Are you angry ? Because... Lavi has left you behind . You love him , right ? Sorry Lenalee , I ..."

"It's alright, brother. I don't mind it . Anyway, I'm happy for Lavi . Finally, he has found out who he loves most ..."

"He doesn't love you ?"

The black hair girl didn't give the answer for her brother . She turned and went out of the room with a sad smile . She knew everything , about Lavi and Allen . But she couldn't do anything about it . she knew that Allen loves Lavi but she loves Lavi, too . So she tried to steal Lavi away from Allen . It's cruel , isn't it ? And this is the time she has to pay back what she has done ...

Well , this is the truth .

Lavi never loves her , never .

**.**

**.**

**.**

It's always cold in winter . But I love winter because snow makes me remember Allen , makes me remember what I live for .

It's snowing now .

Where am I now ? Well , this is the town when I first met Allen and Miranda . We had a fight in here, too . Hmm, the best thing in my memories is all the time I spent with Allen . The way to become a Bookman is hard because I can't live without Allen . I think I have fell in love with Allen in the first sight but I refused it . But now is different . Allen is all I have in this world . He is the reason why I still exist since I'm not Bookman anymore ...

I sighed, looked up the white sky . What should I do ? I promised Allen to wait him in the first place we met . I will keep this promise , no matter what happens .

Did Allen die ? Sometimes I wonder about that but I try not to think about it .

You know ... Five years is the long time for waiting someone ... But I love Allen and this is not a fake love so I will wait . But the only think I can do is ... waiting ?

I think I'm going to be crazy without Allen in my life .

"Hey , what is it ?"

I asked , my eyes widened . Something flew over my head and it's a golem with yellow color . I couldn't believe it . It's Tim , the golem always travels with Allen . It's been a long time since the last time I saw it .

I couldn't say anything in a while . Quickly , I regained my senses . Tim is here so where is Allen ? My heart thumped and I tried to be calm to run after Tim .

I followed Tim to a small forest near the town . I stopped running when I saw a small boy with white hair . I carefully walked close to the boy . The white hair boys hasn't noticed me because he was reading a book. The boy looked up when he saw Tim and dropped the book , he angry said :

"Where are you going , Tim ? I was very worried because I can't find you anywhere ."

The boy's voice is very familiar and I can't never forget that voice . It' exactly Allen's voice . How I miss his voice so much . I couldn't contain myself longer so I ran and hug him tight in my hands immediately . This is exactly Allen's body ... It's always warm ...

"I miss you so much , Allen ... Where have you gone ?!"

I said with tears in my eyes . This is the first time I sob violently like this . The boy was very surprised so he couldn't say anything . He looked at me , wiped my tears and then suddenly he kissed me . This kiss was very rough than any kisses I had with Lenalee . But I enjoyed this every much so I kissed him back , hold his body tight in my arms .

I carefully broke the kiss and whispered into Allen's ears :

"I love you , Allen ..."

"Don't say anything , just kiss me ."

Allen quickly answered with weakly voice so I gave him another kiss . This kiss was last in ten minutes , both of us felt very exhausted. I breathed , still hold Allen in my arms and still cried like a baby .

Allen smiled , put his head on my shoulder . Both of us sat down under the tree . It's cold but Allen's body always warm . I swear I will do anything to protect him safely because I love him .

Finally , our promised came true ...

"I'm home , Lavi ... You have waited for me in five years ?"

"Yeah , I promised you that, didn't I ?"- I nodded and looked at Allen's face- "You made me very worried . Everyone thinks you died !"

"I'm sorry. That time I thought I would die in fighting with Tykki. But Lavi... Your smile suddenly appeared in my head. You are the reason that I must come back because you are the only one waiting for me ... I ..."

Allen stopped his words and smiled softly with me , he whispered :

"I love you , Lavi ."

"I love you , too . Err , will you smile brightly for me , Allen ?"

"Of course ." - Allen said and gave me his warm smile - "Next is you , Lavi. I want to ask one thing ... What about Lenalle and the others ?"

"Well , I quit. I'm not a Bookman or exorcist now . I only want to be a man who can love you forever , Allen . So ... will you marry me , Allen ?"

I slowly said, looked down and felt embarrassed. My face went red and hot. At first Allen was very confused like me, he didn't know what to do and to say. His face is in red , too . But Allen regained his senses quickly and answered my question with cheerful smile :

"Of course I will marry you , Lavi . I love you ! I will be a good husband !"

"... What ?!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

"What are you feeling now ?"

Suddenly Lavi asked me this question. I looked at him with my innocent eyes . He smiled at me , pat my head . What I'm feeling now , huh ? I don't know for sure... But I think my wish have become true . I'm so happy. Finally , I can be with Lavi forever now , I can see he smiles brightly to me . Yes, that's all I want . I always prayed so hard that this day can come to me ... The day I'm with Lavi .

"I'm happy now. At least you accept me , Lavi. As long as I'm with you, I will be always happy . Really ."

"Is that so ?"

Lavi smiled , hold my hand tightly . We walked together to the train station . Where will we go ? I don't know but we will find someplace quiet and peace to live happily forever . The train hasn't come so we have to wait. Lavi still holing my hand while he was reading a book . It seems that he won't let me go again ... And I think everyone is watching us ...

"Err, I think you should write a letter for Lenalee . She may be very sad when you left her behind . You should sorry and explain for her ." - I sighed and suddenly said those words.

"How do you know Lenalee's feeling ?" - Lavi's eyes opened and very surprised .

"I don't know ... But I think she's just like me . She loves you than everything . I ... was very scared that you might not wait for my return . Very very scared and very sad . So I think Lenalee feels the same like me . And may be she knows that you never return to her forever , she's very scared and worried like me , too . I ..."

"I know , I know ... Please don't cry , OK ? I will write a letter for everyone in the Black Order immediately about your return . And makes sure that my grandpa can't find us out there . He will be very angry !"

I smiled . It seems that we have a little trouble with Lavi's grandpa . That Panda man will never accept me and my love for Lavi .

Lavi put his book in his jacket and started writing a letter right away. The train has finally came . I sighed .

Lavi noticed my sadly face quickly, he pat me head, smiled and hold my hand tight while he was softly saying :

"Everything will be okay , I swear my dear . This time I will protect you , no matter what happened . Yeah , no matter what happened , I still love you forever ."

I felt warm after hearing Lavi's words . I nodded , happily smiled back :

"I love you , Lavi . I love your smile , too . Please smile brightly for me , Ok ?"

"Sure , why not ? I will always smile brightly when I with you , Allen . I love you !"

Both of us laughed . We felt very happy . My wish has come true ...

Can you imagine Lavi's smile? If you see his smile , you will easily fall in love with him. Do you know what I mean ? Well , never mind . I'm very happy now !

**Fin .**

**Ah , sorry . It tooks me lots of time to finish . _ I'm really sorry ! **

**This is my second Fic has an ending . ^_^ I'm so happy .**

**Enjoy , thanks for your reading !**


	6. Chapter 6: Red

**I decide to make a bad ending . Hope you... like it ! ^^ Thanks for your reading !**

**Please smile for me , just one time ...**

**Final Chapter . ( Bad Ending )**

**.**

**.**

.

I can't hear anything. My body won't move anymore. I'm feeling very exhausted. I'm tired, too... That's the end of it, isn't it?

I'm still breathing, aren't I? It's so cold... Luckily, the snowstorm has just stopped. I... finished my mission, my duty. Tykki has died with other Noahs. But Earls and Road escaped. But that doesn't matter. The thing I only care is Lavi.

I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I'm closing my eyes, feeling sleepy. My mind has nothing now. I know what this means. I...am going to die, aren't I?

Lavi...

I'm missing you so much. Because I love you. You are the reason I'm still fighting.

I think I'm very greedy. I want you for only me, not anyone else. Can you understand what I think and feel?

Suddenly, I felt someone ran toward to me. I heard footsteps, lots of people... But I couldn't hear what they said. May be the villages? I'm feeling sleepy now. I can't see anything... My body won't move an inch.

"Allen! Are you Ok? You are still alive!"

I started, my eyes opened. I know that voice. It's Lavi... Why is he here?

... He returned with some people from Black Order. Thanks goodness that he's safe. The only thing I heard now is Lavi's voice, although I couldn't see him. His voice makes me feel warm. My eyes are all closing...

"Everyone, I found Allen!"- Lavi yelled and lots of people came to me.

"Lavi..."- I slowly said while Lavi holding me tight in his hand. His hands are bigger than my hands and much warmer. My body are cold...- "Lavi, I'm going to die now... There is no need to worry about me... I have... finished my duty..."

"What are you saying? I can't let you die here!"- Lavi angry answered me. I wish I could see his angry face now... It would be cute...

"I can't feel anything... The only thing I'm feeling rightnow is you... Lavi. Your warm... body. Although I can't see, I can still imagine your smile... I..."- I breathed slowly and hard. Exhausted and sleepy... I need to relax.

"Why would you do that for me? You can run away and let me die for you, Allen..."

"Lavi..."- Suddenly, my eyes are hot, there's something running from my eyes. It's hot... I'm crying? But I don't feel sad... I'm very happy- "May be this is the last time... I can... heard your voice... I wouldn't... give you anything... I just want to... make you happy... I just want to hear... that you love me one last time... I just want to see... your smile. I want to protect you ... just to prove to you how much I love you... I..."

I stopped my words to breath. I coughed, my chest hurt, blood ran from my body... I slowly said:

"I love you, Lavi... That's all I... want to say... I...would rather give up my life for you... I would die for you... Yes, I would... Because I... love you so much. And this love... will never change..."

"Allen... I..."

I think I'm going to be crazy... I thought I would never tell him that, but this time... I... I can't hold my feelings anymore. Before I die, I want him to know what I think...

Suddenly, Lavi kissed me.

My eyes opened in surprised. Lavi's lips and mine... My tears are still running. I breathed slowly... This is called a kiss? I think Lavi never kisses me but...

After one minute, Lavi broke the kiss carefully. Now, his eyes are full with tears. He said:

"I love you, Allen. It's very hard to tell you that I love you. Allen, you are really like the air I breath, you are all that I have... I love you. So, please..."

My heart thumped quickly. Lavi loves me? At first, I think love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and loves another girl but you still smile and say "I'm happy for you"... All you can do is crying...

Love is a moment that last forever...

I smiled softly and closed my eyes. I have nothing now so I can rest easily... I'm so tired.

I'm sorry, Lavi...

I love you.

"Allen?... Allen... Allen !!!"

.

.

.

I'm standing over your grave now, Allen...

Why...?

Why did you leave me?

Now, I don't know what to do without you, Allen... I can't do anything with myself .

Because my world is nothing without you...

There is nothing that I wouldn't do...

Allen, I love you. I'm missing you so much now.

Do you know how much it hurts to be missing you?

God...

Why did You take him away from me?

I hate you.

I... I can't keep on living this way.

I need you here with me, Allen...

I'm so stupid, aren't I?

I need to feel your hands all over me.  
I need to feel you kissing me.  
I need to feel you holding me.  
I need to feel your touch.  
Because I miss your love so much!

But at first I didn't realized that...

Can I go to your place, Allen... ?

So we can be with forever...

.

.

.

Red and blood...

This is called a true love?

**End**

**Thanks for all the comments !**


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